help finding my adopted sister

[alex mccue]

Hi,

im an 18 year old male. I recently found out i have a sister who would now be 16 (17 this july) who was adopted at birth. I am going to start a search for her and i will do all i can until i find her. i have minimum details. all i know is... she was named H***y (although i expect that changed when she was adopted) she was born in freedom fields hospital(which has now been knocked down), the surname of the people who adopted her was B*****m, she was born 13th july 1991 and had blue eyes. What is the first step i need to take in my search? who do i speak to and where do i go? what details/Identification will i need and will they release any details atall about her? Im really upset about this whole issue as she has me (a brother) and 2 younger sisters. my life wont be complete until i find her! im hoping she is still in Plymouth(U.K).... please please if anyone can help me e-mail me or leave some information here. anything would be greatly appreciated! i just want my sister ='(

[MarkJ]

It would be worth having a look around the forum - using the search facility. Some good ideas have been mentioned before which may well help. My own initial suggestion would be the Salvation Army - they do a lot of work in this field.

Mark

[suedent]

It might also be worth contacting the Social Services department for the area your mum was living in.
It may be Plymouth but as Freedom Fields had quite a large catchment area, it could be Caradon Council (Cornwall) or South Hams council (Devon).

[Ken Boyce]

Hi Alex
The issue of the ethical aspects of locating ones kin lost due to adoption comes up regularly in almost every genealogy forum and postbox.

There are always at least three or four persons involved - the adopted, the adoptor, the parent, and in your case one or more siblings.

Any one of these parties may be adversely affected if by revelation of a possible adoption and one has to be very careful not to barge into the lives of others particularly if you get it wrong

To seek advice on how to set about tracing a lost one is ok but to publish identifying details on an open forum such as this one where the postings will appear in all major commercial sites such as Google within hrs of being posted here is in my opinion not the way to go about dealing with your problem There are professional organizations that will help in cases such as yours

Regards

[Pam Downes]

Hi Alex,
I was in the middle of writing a similar message to the one Ken has posted.
I can understand your eagerness to find your sister, and let her know that she has other siblings, because I've recently found descendants of the second marriage of my great-grandfather and would love to have contact with them. I traced their address via the phone book and wrote, but as yet have received no reply. It could be that the letter got lost in the (October) postal strike, it could be that there were family problems at the time they received my letter - or it could just be that they don't want to know me. And as sad as that makes me feel, I will just have to live with it.
In your case, your sister is not yet 18, and I think that you would not be allowed to make contact through official channels until she is 18. Harsh it might seem, but there are good reasons for that age limit. You could try through unofficial channels but I would certainly not advise it. If it causes a major upset in your sister's life there is no way that she will ever want to know you. There was a programme on TV just before Christmas about much older people searching for their birth parents who had walked out of their lives when they were children, and they all say that they thought very long and hard before they even set the search wheels in motion.
The Salvation Army cannot help with tracing people where adoption has taken place - nor if they're under 16/17 years of age.
http://www.look4them.org.uk/salvation-army.html
Sue's idea about contacting Social Services is a very good one. They will know all about the Adoption Contact Register.
http://www.gro.gov.uk/gro/content/adoptions/adoptioncontactregister/index.asp
and should also be able to give you sound advice.
You don't mention your mother. If she is still alive, does she know about your need to find your sister, and have you even discussed it with your mum?
I wish you a successful outcome in your search, but speaking as someone who is old enough to be your granny :) please tread very carefully, because life doesn't always have the happy ending we would wish for.

In the meantime, unless Bo Peep, who is the owner and administrator of this forum has already done so, you must remove your sister's first name, and the surname of her adoptive parents from your message. (To do this, click on 'edit'.) I can't quote the exact paragraph but it's all to do with the Data Protection Act.
Pam

[alex mccue]

thanks for all your replys.

i apologize for posting some details i shouldnt of, i guess im still only a kid myself and have alot to learn.

Regards,

[Pam Downes]

Hi Alex,
If it makes you feel any better, I remember a couple of years ago that a much older forum member than you also posted very personal details of someone still living. Quite funny to read, but also a very ' :eek: - you can't say that on a public forum' moment.
The posting of personal details probably still occasionally happens, but not in relation to something quite as sensitive as your search.
Pam

[alex mccue]

Like i said, im a kid looking for a kid... i have no help from my family in this search and im on my own... but i will do everything i can to track her down..i just want to know she is happy in her life... if she wants nothing to do with me or my family i will accept that (as hard as it will be) but i just want to know she is ok and happy.

Im sorry for posting personal info, i guess i wasnt thinking straight and the craving to find her took over.

happy new year to all....

[alex mccue]

Thanks Bo, any help is greatly appreciated.

[granof17]

Hi Alex,

Can I pm to you? I have assisted a number of people locate adopted family,in a very non-personal way,no-one has ever been offended by our approach,it just may help get the ball rolling for you.....



Gill

[granof17]

Hi alex,me again.

Take a look at 'scouse mouse 2000uk's' post in this same forum.Very good site there for you to approach.

Good luck,

Gill

[soosie]

Alex
Try NORCAP - they helped me find and make contact with my birth parents, were very discreet and supportive.
You will also need to speak to Social Services, but as has been said before, I'm sure you will have to be at least 18.
What you also need to bear in mind, your sister may not know she is adopted. I think you'll find that you can't contact her, she needs to contact you. There is an Adoption Register, where both 'sides' can register, and if they both do so, they can be connected. I can't remember the contact details for either NORCAP or the Adoption Register, but I'm sure they will be easily found on the web.

Good luck
Sue

[granof17]

Hi Sue,

I just need to point out that I have helped people here in Australia.
I myself was adopted out of Liverpool U.K. in 1941,into a Welsh Family in North Wales.I decided to my search for my ' birth mother and her family' due to an illness that needed researching through my genes.
At the age of 56 I travelled back to Wales and began my search.Initially I located my birth cert. with the aid of Jigsaw here in Western Australia.I was counselled by them,and duly received my cert.
In the 3 month time-slot I had allowed myself over there,I not only found my mother,but also half-brothers and many relatives.
The 'meeting' with my mother was handled by a lovely lady acting as a go-between...all my queries and worries regarding my health were answered and eased...
I did approach local newspapers who were happy to run a story for me,and T.V.Wales also took up my story.

I would NEVER advocate that people just rock up and knock on someone's door,that is NOT how my friend and I go about it over here.All we do is point people in the right direction,assist with letter writing(I'm a great believer in the power of the pen),and what other things they can do to aid their search.At all times we respect the privacy of the adoptees.

Sorry if I trod on some toes here.


Adoption is a touchy subject....

So with that apology I will bow out.

Gill

[soosie]

Dear Gill
Not sure whether some lines have got a bit crossed here.
In no way would I say that you or anyone else would intentionally do things insensitively - I just remarked that I know of someone who did just knock on a door, with disasterous consequences for lots of people concerned.

The replies I have read from everyone on this topic have been really supportive, so I'm sorry if you read one of my replies differently.

That must have been really difficult to trace your birth mother from the other side of the world - how lucky you have been to have found them. As I said in another message, I've got an older half sister who I've met, and a younger full sister who can't seem to cope with the knowledge that I exist, so we just send cards at birthdays and Christmas. That's a lot more than many people have I know, but I would love to meet her, and try to reassure her that my Mum & Dad aren't hers. Still, time will tell.

Keep up your good work helping people to find their birth families, and if ever I can do anything from this side of the world, let me know.

Regards
Sue