Newbie looking for advice / help

[richard49]

I live at Waltham Abbey, Essex, UK.

My father was always secretive about his past and his brothers didn't have the same family name.

I never asked questions (you don't when you're a kid) and now I wish I had.

[glynisaddy]

hello richard
a warm welcome to the brit-gen forums

[Jane Elderfield]

...My father was always secretive about his past and his brothers didn't have the same family name.
I never asked questions (you don't when you're a kid) and now I wish I had.

Hello, Richard,
Welcome to the wonderful hobby / pastime / obsession of ancestor-hunting! And welcome to the Brit-Gen Forum.

The secretiveness usually means they were embarrassed about irregularities, such as illegitimate children, same-sex relationships, couples splitting up and finding new partners but not legally marrying them, etc. --things that are open and commonplace now.

They might also be horribly embarrassed and guilty about low-class occupations (even "charwoman" or "dustman", let alone brothel-keeper or burglar!)

People born before the late 20th century suffered great shame about these skeletons in their families' closets. Therefore, they sometimes lied to save face. That means you cannot always trust what they said on official documents--which makes searching for them tricky.

You need to work your way back, starting with yourself, gathering all the official documents you can. You will need to order some certificate, but at this point, you don't need to pay for a subscription to a pay-site. Ask Brit-Gen members to help!

Also try to find any living relatives--aunts, older cousins, etc. who may have tiny clues.

Here are the sorts of things you might find out from relatives: Someone had three names, and sometimes used one and sometimes another... A woman had relationships with several men of one family... Someone never knew their real father, and considered their uncle or grandfather or step-father to be their Dad... Someone was in jail for a time...

You might even find someone with a collection of old letters, or a family Bible they would be happy to lend or give you.

As you gather clues, you will be able to better decide which "facts" on official documents are facts, and which ones are convenient fictions.

And you can ask for specific help on the subforums of Brit-Gen. Put the surname in CAPITALS and the approximate date and place in the title of your post to get best results. (Like this: "Ebenezer WIBBLE, born about 1898 Mudthorpe, Yorks.")

Members of British genealogy just love to track down details, even if in other people's family trees.

Remember, you are making a chain of known links from you to your parents, then to their parents, and then to theirs....who knows how far back! Just keep a good record of where and when you found something out.

Good luck-- we will follow your searches with interest.

--Jane E (in Canada)

[richard49]

Thank you for your welcome and kind words Jane...

And thank you everyone who has taken the time to reply to me and to help, it is very much appreciated.

When you're new to this it's very difficult to know where to start and even what questions to ask.

[Waitabit]

Begin where you KNOW facts. As Jane has said, a persons birth date, Parent/s, Spouse, or siblings & KNOWN places in census years.
Your Father sems to be the main starter here. Again KNOWN data will help to go back & forward.

Share what you know & let's see what the time honoured scouts can pick up.
Good to see you here.