Three Irish Jokes...

[susan-y]

"Have you tried the rhythm method", suggested the priest.
"Now Father," said Bridget, "where would we be getting a band at 3 o'clock in the morning!"

Sandra...

That Irish lady will soon have her own orchestra !!

The man looks at his questioner and says ' No...... not if I'm going to have to explain it 4 times"

Terrysfamily...

Sue

[Gillmar]

Thank you - I laughed so much I nearly spilled my coffee.

As for the comments about racism - all of these jokes can be related over here in Switzerland but the Irishman would become the Austrian, in Germany the East Friesian or the East German (Honecker jokes). In Switzerland, the Appenzeller citizens are mostly small in size and come in for many a good joke.

There are Polish, Italian (Carabinieri), American and Scottish jokes, not to mention the occupational ones such as police, lawyers, civil service, etc.

Did you hear about the Irish man who went to blow up a bus? He burned his lips on the exhaust pipe.

[spison]

And in Australia they would refer to New Zealanders - especially those to do with sheep (and in New Zealand...to Australians - oh and the Irish).
Jane

[terrysfamily]

Paddy & Murphy are working on a building site.

Paddy says to Murphy 'Im gonna have the day off, I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!'

He climbs up the rafters , hangs upside down & shouts 'I'M A LIGHTBULB! I'M A LIGHTBULB!'

Murphy watches in amazement!

The Foreman shouts 'Paddy you're mad, go home.'

So he leaves the site.

Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.

'Where the hell are you going?' asks the Foreman.

'I cant work in the flippin dark! ' says Murphy.

[terrysfamily]

Ok, last one from me.

Paddy goes to the doctor and says "Doctor, it's me bottom. I'd like you to take a look if you would".

So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look. "Incredible," he says, "there is a £20 note lodged up here". Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's bottom, only to see another £10 note appear. "This is amazing" exclaims the Doctor "What do you want me to do?.

"Well for goodness sake take it out man" shrieks the Paddy. The doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears, and another and another and so on...Finally the last note comes out and no more appear. "Ah Doctor, thank ya kindly, that's much batter, how much is there then? The Doctor counts the pile of cash. "£1990 exactly."

"Ah, that'll be right." says Paddy " I knew I wasn't feeling two grand."

[bamagirl]

Happy St. Patricks Day to all my "Irish cousins" on Brit-Gen!

FWIW, in my neck of the woods these would be Cajun jokes or attributed to graduates / fans of rival colleges.

-Barb

[benny1982]

Paddy went on holiday to New Zealand and went into a cafe. He asked for bacon but the waiter said "Sorry sir we have no bacon" and Paddy replied "5 million sheep and you have no bacon".

[Mutley]

In Portugal all these jokes would be aimed at the 'estrangeiros' be we, English, Irish, Scottish or Welsh.
Providing we keep our mouths shut, they cannot tell us apart and even when we do talk, they are not sure.

Maybe the finale?
An English traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding on the M1.
She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window.
The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly -"Oh dear," she says, "Not the breathalyser again."

Naughty, Naughty, Naughty!!!

[JohnN]

After living in the remote countryside of Ireland all his life, an old Irishman decided it was time to visit Dublin.
In one of the stores, he picks up a mirror and looks into it. Not ever having seen a mirror before, he remarked at the image staring back at him.

'How 'bout that!' he exclaims, 'Here's a picture of my Fadder.'

He bought the mirror thinking it was a picture of his dad, but on the way home he remembered his wife didn't like his father, so he hung it in the shed, and every morning before leaving to go fishing, he would go there and look at it.

His wife began to get suspicious of his many trips to the shed. So, one day after her husband left, she went to the shed and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, 'So that's the ugly b*tch he's running around with!'

[Sandra Parker]

Mutley!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(In the past you would have been told to go and wash your mouth out with soap.)

Sandra whose spectacled aura fortunately doesn't have a clue what you are talking about!