Man Flu

[Sandra Parker]

1. Man-Flu is more painful than childbirth. This is an irrefutable scientific fact*.*(Based on a survey of over 100,000 men.)

2. Man-Flu is not 'just a cold'. It is a condition so severe that the germs from a single Man-Flu sneeze could wipe out entire tribes of people living in the rainforest. And probably loads of monkeys too.

3. Women do not contract Man-Flu. At worst they suffer from what is medically recognised as a 'Mild Girly Sniffle' - which, if a man caught, he would still be able to run, throw a ball, tear the phone book in half and compete in all other kinds of manly activities.

4. Men do not 'moan' when they have Man-Flu. They emit involuntary groans of agony that are entirely in proportion to the unbearable pain they are in.

5. Full recovery from Man-Flu will take place much quicker if their simple requests for care, sympathy, soup and regular exposure of womanly parts are met. Is that really so much to ask? Florence Nightingale would have done it.

6. More men die each year from MFN (Man-Flu Neglect) than lots and lots of other things. (Like rabbit attacks or choking on toast).

7. Men suffering from Man-Flu want nothing more than to get out of bed and come to work, but they are too selfless to risk spreading this awful condition amongst their friends and colleagues. In this sense, they are the greatest heroes this country has ever known.

8. In 1982 scientists managed to simulate the agonising symptoms of full blown Man-Flu in a female chimp. She became so ill that her head literally fell off.

9. Man-Flu germs are more powerful than He-Man, The Thundercats and The A-Team combined. They are too strong for weak, nasty tasting 'lady medicines' like Lemsip, so don't bother trying to force them on a victim of Man-Flu.

10. While it may seem like a Man-Flu sufferer is just lying around enjoying a football show on television, it is a commonly recognised medical fact that the exact pitch and frequency of the commentator’s voice has remarkable soothing powers.

Every minute in this country one man is struck down by Man-Flu. Women, all we ask is that each of you offers them soup, some kind words and your undivided attention and care. Then maybe, just maybe, we'll beat this monstrous disease together.

Sandra, whose spectacled aura denies all responsibility

[susan-y]

I would certainly offer a steaming bowl of soup if someone will just tell me where to throw it!

Amen!



Sorry to say Man Flu is the same the world over by the sound of it!

Sue

[Mutley]

The poor souls, I feel so sorry for them, how they must suffer....?
it does just prove though, they must be the weaker of the sexes, to succumb so,
females just aint got the time.

[terrysfamily]

Having just recovered from a rather virulent bout of MF (which may I add I caught from a female forum member (who shall remain nameless, but you know who you are and may god forgive you) whilst private messaging) I must take exception to #7.

I went to work every day. Couldn’t get any sympathy at home. Only spiders and me live here and spiders are even colder hearted than the female sex when it comes to sympathy for MF.

I also had to endure 2 nights, yes 2 nights at the local pub while at deaths door. But still I went to work.

Now 2 of my work colleagues have succumb to this virulent life threatening condition.

It must have been really really bad, a wonder that I didn’t have to spend time in the ITU. As both of these colleagues have had to take time off work to recover. (both are married)

[Waitabit]

[Jan1954]

I would certainly offer a steaming bowl of soup if someone will just tell me where to throw it!

You took the words right out of my mouth, Bo!

[stepives]

Aaaah yes. Man flu. This virulent disease was found to be introduced to the male population in the very early 1960's, when the male species eventually got their working week down to a manageable 70hrs.
With all these spare hours on his hands, he thought he could relax a bit more, before retiring to bed, completely exhausted.
Only to find, that his wife and mother to his children, had discovered the art of home decor design, and keeping 'up with the Jones's'.

With all these women, having so much spare time during the week, the Man flu was introduced by an unknown source to help these said women manage their time better, and leave their poor hard working husbands and father to their children, time to recuperate.

However, the only real answer was to reduce their working week to a more manageable 45 hrs. But too late..........Man flu had taken hold.
And so, there we have it. If women had done more in the first place, with all their spare time and resources, they would not be whinging and moaning about this disease.

So in short......these women brought this terrifying scourge on themselves.

Later ladies......I'm off to do the food shopping, washing, dusting and polishing, d.i.y, car maintenance and all the other 'time consuming duties', while my wife goes clothes shopping and getting a manicure, pedicure, massage, hair do, lunch with friends, liposuction, face lift, bottox, golf lessons, and last but not least...... a booking for a 2 weeks at a health spar, for the 3rd time this year.

Tara.


Steve.

[terrysfamily]

Yeah, what Steve said

[stepives]

Yeah, what Steve said

Cowardy custard.

[terrysfamily]

Steve I'm right behind ya, I'll back ya all the way