Need some advice on what to write please!

[Jane_Adams]

Little bit of background. I've been researching my aunt's mother's family tree. She was given up to an orphanage at the age of 9, never saw her family again (bar 1 or 2 visits from her mother). She had a brother who, I discovered, died in 1948 by committing suicide.

I have established that he married, and I believe had up to 5 children, the last of whom was born around the time he died.

I now believe I've tracked down the address for this 5th child, through finding a marriage on Ancestry then finding a corresponding couple on 192.com.

What I'm stuck with is what to say in the letter? Obviously I want him to confirm that he is the correct person, but at the same time I feel like I should give more information on what I know, as in when his parents were married, siblings names, etc.

One thing I absolutely will not include is how his father died, as it's possible he isn't aware of this.

Has anyone done anything like this and what did you say? Unfortunately I can't find a telephone number so will have to write.

Any suggestions please?


Edited to add: Ultimately, if it is the right person, the hope is that I can unite him and his siblings with their aunt (who is still alive, albeit 83 years of age).

[esdel]

If I were you, Jane, I'd first of all find out all you can with the friendly helpful folk here
Tell us a name or two, where they lived and any dates that you can.
Then MAYBE, when you write you will have things to say that he cannot resist finding more out about - by writing or phoning you!
esdel

[Jane_Adams]

Well, I know the following:

His and potentially 4 siblings births
His parents marriage cert
His father's death cert
When his mother died
Plus, when he married and his wife's maiden name.

This is all information that he's likely to know most of, and would be how I could 'prove' I'd done my research.

But then if I hand everything to him on a plate how can HE prove to me that he's the right person?

I can only offer him what research I've done on his father's paternal line, plus obviously the (in my opinion) major bonus of an auntie and cousins they're probably not aware of.

This is sooooo much easier when you've got a phone number or email address!

I don't really want to give out names / details on people who are living, especially given the circumstances of his father's death (and as I said he may not be aware of that).

Having said that, if anyone lives in Worcester who might be able to assist (you never know who knows who!) then please PM me.

[Pam Downes]

Hi Jane,
I was just about to yell 'no' at esdel because of the high likelihood of living persons being involved but you beat me to it.
First of all, I would always say write. It's a much easier shock to absorb I think. Then keep it simple.
You've been researching your great aunt's family tree. She was given up to an orphanage, never saw her family again, but you know she had a brother and you think that he is the son of the brother. Name the brother and sister, birth dates and places if you have them. Say you believe the brother married Miss xyz in year/place/area and that they had possibly 5 children and he's one of them.
Say if he is one of the sons then you have lots more family history that you can share but refrain from further details.
Put your return address on the back of the envelope.
Fingers crossed for you.
Pam


As usual, cross-posted. This time with Finbar.

[JAP1]

Hi Jane,

I strongly agree that less is better (people don't like knowing that their personal info can be found out).
But I also agree with Pam Downes that some more info could be advisable - otherwise your letter might be binned. And putting your name and address on the envelope would be a good idea (especially if it is returned to sender!). And, in addition, your phone number and email address in the letter would certainly show that you are writing in good faith.

People are (rightly) so wary these days that I wonder whether you need, in your letter, to give a little (not too much) more info plus a carrot.

Perhaps the info being the name of his possible father, and the carrot being that a sister of that person is still alive and that she is your (much loved?) auntie.

Of course, it might be that he well knows the fate of his father and doesn't want to know the family. But that's not necessarily the end of the road.

Best of luck,

JAP

[Jane_Adams]

Yes, I was thinking the carrot would be a good idea.

I also thought that if they DO know the manner of their father's death, the family background may go some way to explaining. I don't know for sure whether he stayed with the family when my aunt was given up (I believe so), but it obviously wasn't a good childhood.

It's tricky, just trying to strike a balance between giving too much away and scaring them off or not enough and them just binning it.

I'm going to try and draft a letter later on, once I've got all my thoughts in place

[Ladkyis]

Putting the names of living people, without their express permission, on this forum is totally against the rules.

So no matter how useful it might be, Esdel, it must not be done.

[Nicolina]

My suggestion is that you keep it simple. Explain that you are a family historian and you wonder whether they could be related to X and Y.

I contacted some-one who I believed to be a relative of my cousin in America. He put me in contact with his father (same name) but he couldn't help me. Further research showed that I had in fact the right family but one generation out.

[esdel]

Well, I know the following:


His parents marriage cert
His father's death cert
When his mother died

Having said that, if anyone lives in Worcester who might be able to assist (you never know who knows who!) then please PM me.

These are all excellent ideas, Jane, and overcome the difficulty with living people.
Presumably information about ancestors might be safe yet intrigue him enough to ensure a reply.
So maybe if you tell us the parent's names etc we could in fact help both of you with ancestors etc.
Ancestors might in fact alarm him less - as it does not mean you have "found out about him" (which people these days are sensitive about)
esdel

[Pam Downes]

These are all excellent ideas, Jane, and overcome the difficulty with living people.
Presumably information about ancestors might be safe yet intrigue him enough to ensure a reply.
So maybe if you tell us the parent's names etc we could in fact help both of you with ancestors etc.
Ancestors might in fact alarm him less - as it does not mean you have "found out about him" (which people these days are sensitive about)
esdel

Esdel,
At the moment Jane still has to confirm that the person she's found is actually the person she thinks he is.
If he is the right person, then you never know what other family information he might have.
Plus if he is the right person knowing that he has living relatives will be overpowering enough without blinding him with a further 20 generations further back.

Jane, concentrate on your letter, and hopefully getting the information you already have confirmed. Then worry about getting further back. (If you still have to, as you may already have done a certain amount.)
Pam