Unsolicited callers at the door

[Pam Downes]

Several years ago:-

Door bell rings.
Man on door-step : "Good morning, I'm from (whatever - I can't remember). We're in the area, giving quotes for new kitchens."
Me: "Not interested, thank you. Have already got a new kitchen." (liar, liar, pants on fire!)
Man on door-step: "Oh, can I ask who did your kitchen?"
Me: "You can ask, but I'm not telling you. It's none of your business."
Man on door-step then gives a very good impression of goldfish by opening and closing mouth with no sound coming out.

To slightly misquote the Mastercard advert:
Look on his face - priceless.

Pam Downes

[Trish]

Pam,

Your story made me laugh. But how about telemarketers?

One evening, years ago, when my husband and I were freshly out of university and working at our first real jobs and had no money, I got a sales call.

The eager young guy on the other end of the line launched into a pitch about the fantastic deal he had on carpet cleaning -- going a mile a minute. Something about 3 rooms for the price of one...

I looked at our bare parquet floors. I interrupted him in mid-pitch. We don't have any carpets I told him, hoping to get rid of him fast.

He said, well, I was still in luck because he also had a great deal on cleaning drapes and was off and running again...

We lived on the 25th floor of a high rise apartment facing a park. We didn't have drapes, just bare windows [no money, remember?] -- so I told him.

He said, okay, okay, he also had a really good deal on upholstry cleaning and...

Well, almost feeling sorry for him, I had to interrupt a third time to tell him we, uh, didn't have any upholstry [unless $12.00 canvas lawn chairs counted].

There was a pause... and then in a voice laden with frustration, the sales guy blurted out, "Aw come on, lady!" and hung up.

I don't think he believed me.

Trish

[coenmfam]

I dont mind Mormons or JWs
I just politely tell them I'm not interested
and close the door
but door-to-door salesman
don't quite get the same priviledge for politeness
and telemarketers get no politeness at all

Nev

[Sue Mackay]

To slightly misquote the Mastercard advert:
Look on his face - priceless.

I was brought up in Glasgow, Scotland, by an English father and a South African mother. My mother never did fully get to grips with the Glaswegian accent. One day in the late 1950s she told us kids that we had to be on our best behaviour that evening as a man from the Seamen's Mission was coming back at 7pm. She explained to us that numerous seamen, including several in our own family, had been killed or injured during the war to preserve our way of life, and we owed it to them to do our bit. The man duly arrived at 7pm, and although my mother was perhaps expecting him to present us with an array of goods for fundraising purposes, she was flabbergasted when he produced a state of the art vacuum cleaner and proceeded to clean the carpet. As he launched into his sales pitch and my father and brother and I fought to stifle our giggles, we watched it gradually dawn on my mother that the man was not from the Seamen's Mission at all. He had come to demonstrate the "Siemen's Machine"!!!!

[BeeE586]

Some years ago I was in bed have slipped two discs and I live alone. My son wrote a notice 'If I know you, please come in. If I don't know you, please go away - do not knock' which he pinned to the outer door.
One afternoon there was a knock at the door which I ignored. Then a second knock which I also ignored. Then a thunderous hammering, so thinking it must be something really important I went to answer it. To get out of bed I had to roll onto my front and fall out on hands and knees, then lever myself nearly upright by holding onto the bed, and creep along the hall holding onto the wall. Fortunately I live in a flat. I opened the door.

Caller; You took your time - I've been waiting ages for you to answer.
Me: Can't you read ?
Caller: Yes, but I knew someone must be in and you woudn't want to miss this extra special offer on ....
I never did find out as I slammed the door and was treated to some very ripe language - (sanguinary) ungrateful (illegitimate) being the mildest.
I still have a notice issued by South Yorkshire Police attached to the door which is supposed to deter unwanted callers, but sad to say, most of them must be illiterate as it doesn't work.

Eileen

[busyglen]

I think my mother in law has the right idea regarding telemarketing. (She's 85 by the way)

When someone rang up trying to sell her double glazing, she said `Oh yes, I'd love double glazing, and yes I'd need two bay windows in the front, and front door, plus four windows at the back'. The man was very pleased and asked if he could come round and measure up and show her the samples and price it for her. `Well' says she, `I think you'd better ring the Council first as they will be paying for it!' Needless to say the phone was slammed down. And....she owns her own property!

Glenys

[zyban]

When theres a salesman at the door usually trying to get me to change my gas and electric, i dont slam the door in their face i use counter salesmanship which goes somthing like this"hello im glad you called i represent a company in Spain and we would like to offer you a time share scheme" etc.The nack is not to give them a chance to speak,you will soon have them running up the road to get away from you.Which proves salesmen dont like salesmen.Its fun too.

[ET in the USA]

Here in the States, at least in my area, we don't have many people come to the door. Perhaps they are too lazy to walk the distances required or are afraid of beong shot ;)

We also have a 'National Do Not Call Registry' where you can register your telephone number (home, mobile, etc) and most telemarketers are 'not allowed to call you'.
The exceptions are calls from or on behalf of political organizations, charities, telephone surveyors and calls from companies with which you have an existing business relationship, or those to whom you’ve provided express agreement in writing to receive their calls.

However, if a third-party telemarketer is calling on behalf of a charity, a consumer may ask not to receive any more calls from, or on behalf of, that specific charity. If a third-party telemarketer calls again on behalf of that charity, the telemarketer may be subject to a fine of up to $11,000.

If the call is really for the sole purpose of conducting a survey, it is not covered. Only telemarketing calls are covered — that is, calls that solicit sales of goods or services. Callers purporting to take a survey, but also offering to sell goods or services, must comply with the National Do Not Call Registry.

We also have caller ID and the above legit exceptions are required, supposedly, to have their name displayed.

The result, we still get calls from survey takers, charities and political orgs, but with caller ID, we don't answer any of them, so just have the annoyance of 4 rings before the machine picks up and they hang up. I think we could shorten it to 1 ring, but that wouldn't give us time to answer 'real' calls from friends. It seems to us a much better deal than watching my 80 year old in-laws heave themselves up off the couch, totter into the back room and then fend off another double glazing salesman.

[Bengie]

Quote
One evening, years ago, when my husband and I were freshly out of university and working at our first real jobs and had no money, I got a sales call.
Unquote

You obviously don't live in the UK Trish or the 'had no money' would still be true today - you still wouldn't have any money.

Sorry - off subject, but it made me smile.

[Trish]

Quote
One evening, years ago, when my husband and I were freshly out of university and working at our first real jobs and had no money, I got a sales call.
Unquote

You obviously don't live in the UK Trish or the 'had no money' would still be true today - you still wouldn't have any money.

Sorry - off subject, but it made me smile.And you made me laugh, Bengie! No, I don't live in the UK, but it's one of my favourite parts of the world, especially your corner of it [Devon].

[Davran]

I often get telemarketeers at work. My favourite was a woman who was trying to sell a special kind of toilet paper dispenser. Having told her that we only had 4 toilets and a small staff, she asked me to hear what a wonderful offer it was. Right, I thought, I'm not too busy... and off she went, with dimensions of sheet size, 3-ply, coming in hygienic individual packages, bargain price etc, etc, etc - for a good few minutes. I just sat there in total silence (politely listening of course!). It was all worth it to hear her crestfallen tone when I told her we REALLY weren't interested.|laugh1|

[GeoffD]

Yesterday afternoon, I'm afraid I was rather short with a telemarketer who disturbed my 'nanna nap'.

*cheery voice* Hello Mr D, I'm calling from Endless Summer Resorts .....
*very grumpy voice* P**s Off!
*startled voice* Why do you say that?
*Even grumpier voice* Because I was asleep, am recuperating from a total hip replacement and am not feeling too good today.

(And that is true - fell and broke my right hip 3 weeks ago. Ouch! A whole new world of pain there for a while. Not recommended.)

[Geoffers]

I speak Dutch to unsolicited callers and wait for them to ask v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y "Do you speak E-N-G-L-I-S-H?" I reply in Dutch again and callers at the door walk away, or callers on phone hang up.

For a bit of variation I occasionally use Old English - I prefer the Mercian dialect from the 9th century and especially enjoy quoting passages from the Blickling homilies, or a riddle; the precise text doesn't seem to matter, it all has the same effect. Double-glazing sellers usually hang up saying something derogatory about foreginers.

My wife goes one better - she has a degree in Mandarin.

Geoffers

[John]

Geoffers, that's a killer |bowdown|


The Blickling homilies (or anything) in a thick rural Norfolk accent would see most off as well.

John

[AnnB]

You would think, by now, that with all these strange people at the other end of the 'phone, these tele-sales people would have given up......

I used to know someone who always pretended to be Manuel from 'Fawlty Towers' and answered any question thrown at them with 'Que?' or 'I am from Barcelona' :cool:

Best wishes
Ann

[Davran]

The foreign language bit also works very well with beggars! I was once on a visit to Germany and was accosted by a young woman beggar. Having spent a year in Greece, I replied to her in Greek. She looked puzzled and tried English and then gave up when I again replied in Greek. A fellow traveller was also accosted and when the beggar said she had three children to support, she replied that she had five!

[John]

I know it's not callers at the door but some years ago whilst walking along the street I was acosted by two ernest lookingf young men in slightly old fashioned suits and rucsacs 'Hi' says one 'we're with the do de da of the thingy watsit'. 'Are you really' I said in my most interested and almost exitedly pleased voice 'thank you so much for sharing that with me' Turned and walked briskly away, turning to give them a big wave and hearty grin, they were both standing staring after me slack jawed and stunned. I almost felt guilty.

John

[Aunty Mash]

Have enjoyed reading all the messages/quotes so much thought I would add my own experience.
Approximately 10 years ago I applied for and successfully gained my first job in an office in a phone room. A few days after I started I took a call from a very excitable young lady who just had to tell me about all the special offers her stationery company had on offer that day and insisted that I would be crazy, just crazy to let my company miss out on such good deals. She went on to list all the pens, pencils, pads, hole punchers, staplers, etc that I could get cheap, cheap, cheap.

I worked for a stationery, computer consumables and graphic suppliers!

Hated to burst her bubble but there you go!

[Rove]

Monday 11am. I was at front of the house sawing a piece of wood.

We have a high step at one side and just the ideal height to place the wood on a very level surface and do your sawing.

A lovely sunny morning. A nice looking senior citizen walked in my driveway and towards me. He had a bunch of papers on one arm and a large canvas bag on his other arm. He was wearing some sort of a hat like Sherlock Holmes used to wear.

I said to myself 'another blooming door 2 door salesman and I'm not buying '

" Good morning Sir " he said with an English accent. " Good Day " I replied

Then he said " I'm the Census man, I am delivering the Census Forms and taking some notes ".

I had a good look at this fella and even tried to catch his breath, suspecting maybe he had a few whiskies. I was wrong. He was clean.

So he asked " How many people live here ? " I replied " only three "
Then he said " Do you have a bungalow or flat the back of your house " I said " Nobody lives at the back "

Then he started explaining how to fill the Form. I said " Mister, I'm a Genealogist and I know everything about that stuff "

" OH " He replied. Then he said " Are you on the Internet ? " I said " Yes "

Then he said " Do you want to fill the Census Forms on the Website ? "

I replied " Thanks, I rather do it by pen and paper " He said " Thats fine "

Finally I asked him " Can I have your name ?" He lifted the identity tag that he had clipped to his coat and showed it to me. I said " Have a nice day Mr Carmody "