Victorian Mourning Customs

[timelord]

consider me morbid, but i find these rituals fascinating. the colours of clothing worn over the 2 and a half year mourning period. ( wife losing husband) is just one example, also the mourning jewellery etc.

[ChristineR]

I remember seeing a newspaper article which listed some recovered stolen property - there was a description of a mourning brooch or locket. It had the names of two people engraved upon it, a man and a woman, and contained locks of hair. It must have been made in separate pieces at the times of death and then joined as both parts of the item were made of different materials. The surname of the people was PARISH, the place was Melbourne, Australia. From the date, it was probably unlikely that the persons named had been in Australia, just the keeper of the jewellery.

ChristineR
Australia

[Guy Etchells]

consider me morbid, but i find these rituals fascinating. the colours of clothing worn over the 2 and a half year mourning period. ( wife losing husband) is just one example, also the mourning jewellery etc.

Not Victorian but I have a book -A Book of Edwardian Etiquette - originally published in 1902 but my version republished 1983 ISBN 0-04-942181-6

Amongst the 23 chapters of social etiquette in various situations is one (chapter XX) Mourning. Here the subjrcts range from gathering at the house prior to the funeral through to calls of condolence a day or two after the funeral.
The last page of the chapter covers The Wearing of Black.
example
"Widows wear mourning for two years, at least that is the regulation time ; but many widows wear it for three, or even longer. Crape is not often used now, except as a trimming, and it is left off after the first year. The cap and the veil are worn for a year and a day, lawn collars and cuffs for a year.
For a year, too, widows should not give or accept invitations nor go into society.

Cheers
Guy

[Ladkyis]

"For a year, too, widows should not give or accept invitations nor go into society."

this had a very sound reason behind it. If the wife gave birth to a child within that time it would be regarded as the posthumous child of the deceased husband so she was effectively put away from everyone except close family for a year just to ensure the inheritance. for the lower classes it was not considered important.

In Jewish families I believe that the oldest brother of the deceased husband was expected to assume responsibility for the woman and any children. If he was not married he was expected to take her as his wife - and if he was married I think the wife just had to put up with another woman in her house.
Ann

[florencebailey]

i have been searching for ages for a forum/chat board associated with victorian clothing & attire, it is a field we are in and would be great to talk to other enthusiasts..

[Ladkyis]

I am interested in costume - I make them

Ann

[timelord]

and bearing in mind, actual items made from the deceased hair

[BeeE586]

My grandmother was born in 1886, one of 15 children of whom only seven survived. Carefully folded and tucked away in tissue paper with a couple of lavender bags she treasured a pair of white, hand knitted silk stockings and a long, wide, silk ribbon. As a child I found these fascinating and she explained that when children were buried the small coffin was often carried by other, older children, the girls wearing a white dress, white silk stockings and a sash. These bearers would usually be members of the family, brothers, sisters or perhaps cousins and in the days of large families and infant mortality such sad events must have occurred often. It may just have been a local custom - she lived in Barrow Hill, part of the parish of Staveley in north east Derbyshire. My grandfather was a 'flat cap' man, but he kept a black bowler, a stiff collar and a black, silk, hand knitted tie for funerals. He died in 1946 but his son in law wore them to the funeral as a mark of respect. Strange how certain aspects of some customs survive.

Eileen

[Jo Simpsons]

This photo was taken early 1900. My Nan says her Grandmother is wearing "Widows Weeds"
Jo:)

Sorry can't get the photo any larger to be able get on :o
http://www.tribalpages.com/tpphotos/fullphotos42/jo14_421864.jpg

[Jo Simpsons]

If at first you don't succeed!

Jo ;)

[AnnB]

Hello Jo
Was the photo taken after the lady's husband's death? It would make sense as there is no man in the photo and they all look suitably solemn. I have a picture of my great-grandmother taken after her husband's death, and I would swear she is wearing the same clothes...... ;)
Best wishes
Ann

[Jo Simpsons]

Yep, after her husband had died. My Nan says she is in her "widows weeds".

Does look solemn but I do like it.
Jo :)

[lowestoft-lass]

you are very lucky to have photos like that jo.
i dont think there are any photos in my family or my hubby's. but i will keep looking and asking. one day i might get lucky.

[timelord]

i just find the victorian era fascinating, could be because i had to study mid victorian britain for my first year of my history degree

[Feen]

Timelord... in case you surface again in 2008 :), it is a fascinating subject, or maybe that's just cos I'm morbid too...

I recently finished Tracy Chevalier's novel Falling Angels - fascinating about mourning customs and clothes (there was a massive business, Jays in - I think - Regent Street that dealt exclusively with mourning apparel), and set in and around Highgate Cemetery, so it takes in fashions for funerary architecture too. And info on the whole burial process, from digging the grave onwards... Now Highgate Cemetery's a wonderful day out if you get the chance to visit.

Jo, what a lovely pic of your 3x? grandmother and her family. I've always wondered but it's never occurred to me to ask... why are widows' mourning clothes referred to as "weeds"?

Feen

[don.]

Feen,

The term "Widow's weeds" takes its meaning from the last word. The word Weed, used in this sense, can be traced back to the Middle English word "Wede" and the O.E. "Woede" both of which means a garment or apparel. A "weed" is also the name given to a black crepe band/scarf/sash which is worn to indicate mourning. The word "weedy", again used in this sense, can mean one who is wearing widow's weeds/clad in mourning. Interestingly Dickens writes........."I think there was some compromise in the cap; but otherwise she was as weedy as in the early days of her mourning...."

don

[Feen]

Thank you Don, that's interesting and I like the way "woede" includes "woe"...

Feen