You know, I'm just so not impressed....

[Ghetts]

As some of you may know I've been searching for my grandfather for absolutely ages.... anyway much to my great joy and delight I found a "perfect" match on A... and contacted the person in question.

I duly sent off a message introducing myself and explaining where I fitted in the grand scheme of things, I received a response which was abit negative but soldiered on and gave away abit more information to confirm what I had researched. The person has now come back to me aplogising for reading my message "too quickly", but now they realise I have my grandfathers birth certificate they have asked me to send them a copy so they can cross check my information with theirs - by the looks of it from what they say and if we are looking for the same people - I have the missing link.

Whats niggled me is the negative response from the start, and them expecting me to supply all (albeit not much) information that I have without reciprocating in anyway, especially asking for a copy of a certificate.

Okay I know some of you may be thinking that I am being stingy in not wanting to hand over my grandfathers birth certificate, but this is just all one sided.

..... and I am not sure how to respond to this one as I don't want to "burn any bridges", but needed to get it off my chest.


Ghetts

[Colin Rowledge]

Some how, I agree with you - and I think that from my experiences with these folks that are possibly in my line, they are too busy adding names and too cheap to spend money to verify info. I've sent messages and indicated the info. I have & had mostly non-responses.

If the info. on their tree looks like it fits, I send for the certificates and if they match, then I send a polite "Thank You" note and update my tree on A. Then if they wish to contact me, they can.

Colin

[v.wells]

Some how, I agree with you - and I think that from my experiences with these folks that are possibly in my line, they are too busy adding names and too cheap to spend money to verify info. I've sent messages and indicated the info. I have & had mostly non-responses.

If the info. on their tree looks like it fits, I send for the certificates and if they match, then I send a polite "Thank You" note and update my tree on A. Then if they wish to contact me, they can.

Colin

And that's how you do it Colin :D I have sent e-copies of a few documents but only to contacts that I have a good relationship with. Some of my recent contacts via ancesspit have resulted in silence - I usually send another message stating that their silence signifies that their information they have is incorrect and that I won't be contacting them again.

[Peter_uk_can]

Oh dear..... I must be in the minority. I don't care either way.

I have too much to do and too little time left to do it in. I can't afford the time to let people upset me over trivia, otherwise this hobby becomes a chore.

[Ghetts]

Hi there guys, I think I will leave it for a few days and mull over it - am very good at procrastinating ;).

Both our trees are private Colin, I wouldn't be surprised if I was asked next to share my whole fandamily - now I'm being peaky! |oopsredfa

[raineshoe]

Why oh why do these people advertise if they are going to be so negative to people when they respond. It gets me so cross. I'm happy to share my info either way. Its all on the web for everyone to see anyway. Not only that if I've done it wrong, they can copy all my errors too!!!! However, I can understand it when people have spent a lot of money and time and effort in obtaining information to be snaffled up by others without so much as a thank you.

I'd be inclined to suggest that they send you some information so you can verify that they are the right connection as you have worked extra hard to get to where you are now with your tree and on receipt of that you would be happy to give them a copy of the birth certificate if it all fits.

[Pam Downes]

Not stingy at all. I wouldn't part with a copy of the birth certificate either. Asking for a copy is just plain cheek. |rant|
They can cross-check information from a transcription just as easily. Date, where born, name, parents' names, linked to the entry on the GRO Index.
And it depends on where your grandfather fits into their tree, but if he's the missing link how much have they managed to do without his details? Quite frankly if I had a fairly major missing link I'd have already forked out the seven quid for the birth certificate.
They do need to give you some information they've obtained to help you verify that the connection is true.
Pam

[jeeb]

Hi Ghetts,
This is a difficult one because I assume, you don't know this person and they don't know you. They may also be looking at the situation from the other side and feel you are out to gain free information from them, hence the rather negative response. However this person did respond and gave you enough information to confirm that you were on the right tracks. As this person has now responded to you again, if it were me I would supply what they asked for and hope this will lead to better communication between the two of you. If it turns out as you suspect and this other person is only out to use you then it hasn't cost you anything other than giving them a bit free information which you had paid for and if that is the case you can hold your head high because it will make you the better person.

Jeremy

[Peter_uk_can]

If one shares information, no one has stolen it. One still has the original and the satisfaction of being the one who found it. That part gives me the biggest thrill.

Life's too short to fight with everyone....

[auburn]

Hi Ghetts,
This is a difficult one because I assume, you don't know this person and they don't know you. They may also be looking at the situation from the other side and feel you are out to gain free information from them, hence the rather negative response. However this person did respond and gave you enough information to confirm that you were on the right tracks. As this person has now responded to you again, if it were me I would supply what they asked for and hope this will lead to better communication between the two of you. If it turns out as you suspect and this other person is only out to use you then it hasn't cost you anything other than giving them a bit free information which you had paid for and if that is the case you can hold your head high because it will make you the better person.

Jeremy

Couldn't have put it better myself, Jeeb!

I have had a few tentative exchanges which led to some great exchanges of information, photos, certificates etc. If you show some generosity you may end up with real help-some people do take advantage but never mind!
Cheers
Auburn

[Ghetts]

Thanks everyone for your invaluable replies.

I didn't think of it from their point of view and since both our trees are private we obviously guard our research jealously. I don't mind sharing information, but it would have been nice to have taken a more subtle approach and built up a rapport first.

Well it's hometime now and I'm out into the cold night air. |wave|
Have a wonderful evening all.
Ghetts

[Marina.S]

Hi Ghetts. Sometimes you have to go with a gut instinct. If you feel the way you do but don't want to stop contact why don't you send details of the birth certificate such as Joe Bloggs born etc etc. You can always say that your photo copier is away getting fixed and you will send them a copy later.
Having given them the info you will then see if they warm to you or are just getting cheap information.
Having the information as everyone knows is not nearly as good as having the certificate in your hand.
Best Wishes
Marina

[Ladkyis]

Just remember that you can send them a transcript of the certificate but you can't send them a photocopy of it because that is against the copyright...

[Marina.S]

I really didn't know that you couldn't send a photocopy of a certificate. I'm glad you told me. I haven't been asked for a one yet but I would have sent one. Thanks for the information. This is such a helpful site.
Many thanks LADKYIS
Marina

[v.wells]

Couldn't have put it better myself, Jeeb!

I have had a few tentative exchanges which led to some great exchanges of information, photos, certificates etc. If you show some generosity you may end up with real help-some people do take advantage but never mind!
Cheers
Auburn

I agree with Jeeb and Auburn. I was just contacted by someone on genes regarding one of my rellies that had been mentioned in a Will and they were wondering where this rellie fits in as there is no genealogy connection.

As I have just sorted out this family I have yet to order the death certs, but I did provide all this rellies whereabouts and timelines and she emailed a copy of the Will. This contact I think will be fun and I am looking forward to solving the mysteries surrounding my rellie and her family - and best yet - these are not Walsh's :D

[raineshoe]

You can copy stuff to friends for personal use, not for monetry gain. Its like if you go into a library you can photocopy pages of a book for your own use, but not to turn into a book yourself and publish without prior permission.