Genealogy contacts...

[Oates]

I can feel a rant building up inside me, so here goes....

I'm sick of having to use my dad's name and email ad for family history. First of all, with using his email ad, he complains when I log in, even though it was him who told me to change the accounts to his email when he subscribed. This means firstly I don't get any of the updates, but also I don't get messages from contacts unless I check his email ad. Plus he gets so much junk mail that they sometimes go off the page before I see them and he never bothers to tell me. Sometimes he opens and reads them before I do which annoys me, partly because it's an invasion of privacy and partly because then I don't know there's new ones as it only shows unread messages. All of that's just inconvenience though.

It's not his fault though, don't get me wrong. I have occasionally given contacts my own email address after a while or explained who they're talking to. Contact tends to stop very quickly... I really dislike pretending to be someone else, even though really it's better for everyone if I do. As my mum pointed out, a lot of men wouldn't feel comfortable knowing they were talking to a teenage girl. As she put it, usually you hear about old men pretending to be young girls to talk to them on the internet, whereas you're pretending to be an old man to talk to old men/women. I find it sort of morally repulsive...

The other problem is, once people know you're younger, everything you say becomes subject to so much more suspicion. It's like suddenly I'm incompetant just because I'm lacking in years. When I have told people, there's often a noticable change in tone. Suddenly it becomes teacher-like in a way I find somewhat patronising rather than on an equal level as before.

Also, when I've actually met other genealogists (a couple of relatives I'd never met before, one from GR and in records libraries), I've noticed they tend to address my dad as though I'm not there. Perhaps they'll aim the odd comment towards me, but predominantly not. I don't know if it's the discomfort thing or because they assume I'm just tagging along (even if they know otherwise) or what...

Grr... Yeah, it just gets on my nerves. I haven't had any problems here though. :)

[Marie C..]

And from your post(the other one on here) I thought you WERE an old gentleman... well not old really , sort of my age. It just goes to show!M

[Sue Mackay]

How about an online e-mail account such as hotmail or yahoo? It's free, and you can read your own mail in private when you get the computer to yourself. It will also stand you in good stead if you go to university or get a job away from home as you can access it easily from any computer.

[Marie C..]

And, sorry if I seem thick, why can't you use your own name?
Genealogy is for any and every age.... (the younger the better as mamory is sharper) and where the subject is dear to the hearts of those involved what on earth does age matter?
Astoria? where are you? Back me up. Quick!M

[Astoria]

Rather than patronise you I think most people here will be quite gobsmacked to find out you are a teenager because of your excellent posts, and rather impressed, I know I am.

Good for you |wave|

[Oates]

And from your post(the other one on here) I thought you WERE an old gentleman... well not old really , sort of my age. It just goes to show!M

Lol which post would that be? I don't really know how to take that...

I'm also female... To be fair 'Oates' does sound male. I just found the name in my tree and liked it. Also he was one of my completely unknown great grandparents with very little info on that side of the family so he's a recent one I uncovered myself. That wasn't why I chose it though, I just thought of it now.

[christanel]

Rather than patronise you I think most people here will be quite gobsmacked to find out you are a teenager because of your excellent posts, and rather impressed, I know I am.

Good for you |wave|

I second Astoria in all of the above, with bells on. I am feeling even more incompetent now I know you are young enough to be my great granddaughter!!
As Sue suggests get yourself a hotmail account so instead of spending time tracking down your emails in your dad's account you can spend it on these forums.:)
Christina

[Sue Mackay]

How about an online e-mail account such as hotmail or yahoo? It's free, and you can read your own mail in private when you get the computer to yourself. It will also stand you in good stead if you go to university or get a job away from home as you can access it easily from any computer.

Sorry, I wrote the above more in answer to your first paragraph but have just read your second paragraph more closely, where you say you do have your own e-mail address but tend to use your Dad's for genealogy contacts. You could have a hotmail/yahoo account purely for genealogy - they have pretty good spam filters. And I don't see why you have to tell anyone your age in an e-mail at all. I don't! You are likely to be exchanging details of 19th or early 20th century people anyway, and you can just say "my ancestor" rather than specifying the number of greats - at least until you know people better and can trust them.

[Astoria]

I think you should get for own email, I can't see why not, you can name yourself whatever you like, it doesn't need to be your real name, that way you won't miss anything and you can organise folders etc. without someone else coming along and mucking things up.

Now the nosy bit, what got you interested in the first place?

[Marie C..]

The one just a few linesup/down from this one.... about meeting the other genealogist.
I was going to reply to that but changed my mind.
My grandson aged 8 has his own e mail address. You can have one too.(He's the only young one in my family who is as keen on fam. hist as I am and he's better at it than I am too.)

[Astoria]

I am feeling even more incompetent now I know you are young enough to be my great granddaughter!!
Christina

In my dreams I will have such a great granddaughter, my daughter calls me the grim reaper.

[Oates]

And, sorry if I seem thick, why can't you use your own name?
Genealogy is for any and every age.... (the younger the better as mamory is sharper) and where the subject is dear to the hearts of those involved what on earth does age matter?
Astoria? where are you? Back me up. Quick!M

I don't use my own name for several reasons:
1. My mum doesn't want me to use my name when discussing personal info like the family tree because of confidentiality and things she's heard about internet paedophiles etc. I can't imagine many paedophiles hunting for victims on genealogy sites, but anyway...

2. My dad used his credit card details to subscribe to ancestry and insisted on changing the account into his name. I registered for GR at the same time so that ended up in his name too, plus the terms said you had to be over 16. I later changed the email ad on that one though so notifications are sent to my address. It's still in his name though so everyone calls me by that.

3. As my mum said, many older men might not feel comfortable emailing a teenage girl because it might look dodgy.

4. Although I haven't had problems here, I have had problems elsewhere being taken seriously.

[Oates]

How about an online e-mail account such as hotmail or yahoo? It's free, and you can read your own mail in private when you get the computer to yourself. It will also stand you in good stead if you go to university or get a job away from home as you can access it easily from any computer.

I have an email address. Actually, I have several. I must have had at least 10 over the years, probably more. I was thinking today maybe I'll make a separate one for family history so it's not all sent to my dad and lost among his junk mail, but I'm also not using my personal one. (See above)

[jeeb]

Hi Oates,

I cannot really see why you should have a problem disgussing genealogy with a person of any age. This site is made up of many different people of both sexes, all ages and from many parts of the world. We all try to help each other and nobody as far as I can recall has or would belittle someone for being young.

This site uses pseudonyms, so nobody would have known, until you told us, how old you are.

Your mother is wise to advice you against chat lines, but this site is very different and your parents should encourage you to use it. If you have an e-mail address of your own then I fail to see why you cannot use it to receive messages from the forum. However if your parents feel it unwise for you to receive private messages then it is simple enough just to pose questions and give answers openly on the forum in a perfectly adult way and your responses will treat you thus.

Jeremy

[Marie C..]

I worded that wrongly . Daft old Bat.! I meant why can't you have an e mail address in your own right..... not that you use your real name. Your Mum is absolutely right. No one should use their own name. (I use mine because I'm really old and can't really remember other ones or passwords though my son constantly warns me of identity theft.)M

[Oates]

I think you should get for own email, I can't see why not, you can name yourself whatever you like, it doesn't need to be your real name, that way you won't miss anything and you can organise folders etc. without someone else coming along and mucking things up.

Now the nosy bit, what got you interested in the first place?

I've always been interested. Occasionally in books or on TV there'd be a mention of doing a family tree project in class and I always really liked the idea. When I was 5, my great grandmother died (although I thought I was 7 but apparently not), I regretted not asking her about the tree and asked my mum to draw one for me, which I still have. (I might have been 7 by then). I got my dad and grandma to add to it and tell me about the family history.

Then, when I was 14, someone sent me a link to a website which had a face recognition thing. Basically, you uploaded a picture and it told you who you looked like. I noticed though that the site was mainly actually for a family tree programme. It was free to download as it was only a beta, so I did and then used the search function on that site to find other sites. Then I hit on ancestry and got started properly after getting some more info from my grandma and my aunt.

[Oates]

Hi Oates,

I cannot really see why you should have a problem disgussing genealogy with a person of any age. This site is made up of many different people of both sexes, all ages and from many parts of the world. We all try to help each other and nobody as far as I can recall has or would belittle someone for being young.

This site uses pseudonyms, so nobody would have known, until you told us, how old you are.

Your mother is wise to advice you against chat lines, but this site is very different and your parents should encourage you to use it. If you have an e-mail address of your own then I fail to see why you cannot use it to receive messages from the forum. However if your parents feel it unwise for you to receive private messages then it is simple enough just to pose questions and give answers openly on the forum in a perfectly adult way and your responses will treat you thus.

Jeremy

As I said, I haven't had a problem on this site, more with one to one contacts and 'in the field'. This site's a bit different to the other family history ones I use as it doesn't generally involve talking to people researching the same lines and sharing the family tree so that post doesn't apply to here. This site is registered to my own email ad and I've always been open about my age on here. Obviously there's no need to bring it up all the time, but I refer fairly often to my problems with ordering certificates and using pay websites, which are related to my age. I also made a post about whether I should use my dad's identity for this about a year ago, and the general consensus was yes.

[Marie C..]

Oates,
Good for you! I was interested in family history many years ago but only started it six years ago when the last of my oldies died. ... much too late... and I think it's wonderful that you have this interest. One learns so much even on a daily basis.
Ask all the questions you can think of from any of the relations. The answers to these will prove invaluable.
Marie

[Astoria]

Try and get a digital voice recorder, I got one for my birthday, and record their memories, that would be great for your archive.

Raid their lofts for paperwork, I have only just discovered that my Dad has his indenture papers from Wareing and Gillows squirrelled away, he didn't think I would be interested.

[Oates]

Try and get a digital voice recorder, I got one for my birthday, and record their memories, that would be great for your archive.

Raid their lofts for paperwork, I have only just discovered that my Dad has his indenture papers from Wareing and Gillows squirrelled away, he didn't think I would be interested.

I've mentioned before on here the laundry basket of papers and photos from my grandparent's house.... I scanned all sorts from there. There were a few other bits inamongst the photos. She'd saved various newspaper clippings and plenty of wedding invites but there were also other things like my auntie's school report, a brochure from where my grandad worked, postcards, a job acceptance letter to my grandmother etc. Little things no-one thinks much of at the time but they get more interesting the more time has passed since the event I think and the less is known about the people involved. There was a diary too in there (just one of those little ones for recording birthdays and appointments and such) but my auntie threw it away.

That reminds me, I'm sure I saw a big box of postcards here somewhere... My dad couldn't remember where he'd put it. Must remember to bug him about that.... He had a few other bits in a drawer, including a letter to my great grandma about her aunt. I'm not really sure what to do with that though... It could be considered sensitive information.

[Browneyes]

Hi,

One thing I learned, the hard way, is that I should have pestered my parents to tell me who the people were in every single photo. I now have the photos, my parents both died and it's VERY frustrating not knowing who is who. So Oates, grab anyone in your family, bribe them with tea or whatever it takes and make sure they tell you the names and everything and anything about the people in any photos you or they have.

Browneyes x

[Oates]

Hi,

One thing I learned, the hard way, is that I should have pestered my parents to tell me who the people were in every single photo. I now have the photos, my parents both died and it's VERY frustrating not knowing who is who. So Oates, grab anyone in your family, bribe them with tea or whatever it takes and make sure they tell you the names and everything and anything about the people in any photos you or they have.

Browneyes x

Done and done. All annotated using family tree builder. In that laundry basket though there's hundreds of photos of people we don't know the names of. I showed some of the more interesting ones to my grandma's brother, who passed away shortly after, and his wife (who is related to my grandad), but there were far too many to bother them with which seemed to be of friends of my grandparents.

[Astoria]

Bribe them with sherry, nothing like a drop of Harvey's Bristol Cream - or many other fine brands - to loosen the memory and tongue. Always works on me. :D

[Browneyes]

Chocolates and flowers work for me |jumphappy

There is always the line "D'you know you look a bit like that lady in the picture...I wonder why?" Tends to start people thinking about connections.

Browneyes

[Astoria]

Weddings and funerals, grab the eldest in the room and point to the youngest, and say in a slightly conspiratorial tone, "Haven't they got it made, I bet things were different when you were that age?" Lead them by the hand to the aforementioned Sherry, switch on the voice recorder, and enjoy.

[Mutley]

Mention the fact that within your 'research' you are learning how to search for Wills. You are sooooo surprised that there is an awful lot of unclaimed loot available. ;)

You just happen to have found a will for a xxxx = (first name not in your tree, surname in your tree). You wonder if by any chance, one of the photographs in the basket are of a family member with the name xxxx.

You may suddenly find you have several older members of the family willing to help you in your search for xxxx, of course they will have to eliminate Normon, Jasper and Arnold while looking. :)

[Astoria]

You are even more devious than me. :D

I watch and learn.

[Mutley]

You are even more devious than me. :D

I watch and learn.

Only 'cos I am more ancient ;)

But the old lady I have been helping, well, she has perked up on hearing she is related to 'gentry' and has suddenly remembered more information in 2 days than she could in the last 82 years. Burning question - where did the money go? :)

[Lesley Robertson]

Done and done. All annotated using family tree builder. In that laundry basket though there's hundreds of photos of people we don't know the names of. I showed some of the more interesting ones to my grandma's brother, who passed away shortly after, and his wife (who is related to my grandad), but there were far too many to bother them with which seemed to be of friends of my grandparents.


Do a few at a time, but get them all labelled (in pencil). Too many of got interested as our elderly relations vanished, and many, like me, inherited boxes of unlabelled photos. I usually make a b/w photocopy and write the names on the people in the copy. Keep an eye on coloured photos - many of the one I have from the 1960s are fading.

I'd love to have someone else's credit card to pay my Scotlands People dues - I might even consider joining A****y if someone else was paying! Enjoy it while he's willing.

Above all, enjoy!
Lesley

[Davran]

Oates, you could try directing your emails into a folder in your dad's Outlook inbox, so that you know those are yours and not his.

[Oates]

Do a few at a time, but get them all labelled (in pencil). Too many of got interested as our elderly relations vanished, and many, like me, inherited boxes of unlabelled photos. I usually make a b/w photocopy and write the names on the people in the copy. Keep an eye on coloured photos - many of the one I have from the 1960s are fading.

I'd love to have someone else's credit card to pay my Scotlands People dues - I might even consider joining A****y if someone else was paying! Enjoy it while he's willing.

Above all, enjoy!
Lesley

Well most of the time I just do everything for free. I had a subscription to ancestry for 2/3 months when I first started and have ordered 2 certificates. That's my total costs so far. A lot of my problems result from NOT having any money to pay for any genealogy stuff.

[Marie C..]

I don't have enough money for certs and such either. That is why you need to make certain that the ones you can afford are the right ones and will really push the boundaries back. Wrong certs are wasted cash.It doesn't matter whether you are seventeen or seventy. Even subs to certain sites are more than can be managed on limited income or travelling to record offices etc. so one finds ways round it. Requesting look-ups is one way. The national archives has lots of stuff and has certain family history sites.
There is a lot on the web which you can get by googling and the free sites, free bmd and the LDS site. There is plenty of time to fill in all the background without the need for certificates. M

[Oates]

I don't have enough money for certs and such either. That is why you need to make certain that the ones you can afford are the right ones and will really push the boundaries back. Wrong certs are wasted cash.It doesn't matter whether you are seventeen or seventy. Even subs to certain sites are more than can be managed on limited income or travelling to record offices etc. so one finds ways round it. Requesting look-ups is one way. The national archives has lots of stuff and has certain family history sites.
There is a lot on the web which you can get by googling and the free sites, free bmd and the LDS site. There is plenty of time to fill in all the background without the need for certificates. M

I take advantage of the info I can get from searching without paying on various pay-sites. There's a few certs I could really do with at the moment though. I haven't spent/asked for any money on this since August 07 so I think it's time...

[Marie C..]

Since it is your interest/hobby/whatever could you not ask for a small extra allowance for it?
IIt's cheaper and far less dangerous than hang-gliding, mountaineering, hot-air ballooning and such. You need no special equipment /safety gear etc so all in all you are saving them a fortune..... of which you would like a small bit of which to pursue this hobby.
I think that would be quite reasonable. Of course you might have to give up the music lessons or the riding lessons!! M

[CornishPixie]

The other problem is, once people know you're younger, everything you say becomes subject to so much more suspicion. It's like suddenly I'm incompetant just because I'm lacking in years. When I have told people, there's often a noticable change in tone. Suddenly it becomes teacher-like in a way I find somewhat patronising rather than on an equal level as before.

Oh I completely agree. I tend to get talk down to on some boards when people realise I'm under 25. Which is annoying because I think I've come this far without being spoken to like I'm a 5-year-old, and frankly if my great aunt doesn't talk down to me when I ask her questions I don't think anyone on an internet forum has any right to what-so-ever.
Then again you also find the complete opposite and others who really don't care about your age but just want to pass on advice from their own experiences.
Just gotta grin and bare it I'm afraid. :)

[Squaredancer]

Wouldn’t it be a good idea not to tell anyone your age, if you’re concerned about their possible reaction when they find out? I would never have guessed that Oates and CornishPixie are a lot younger than me, had they not said, but I really don’t think that it matters when it comes to joining in on a genealogy forum.

How old am I? Over 21! :D

[Marie C..]

Do you know I truly don't think age matters in all this.
I haven't a clue how old people are on here as I have only looked at two people's details. I can't even tell how old/young people are are from their posts. Even if they were under 10 and had some info that was useful or funny or whatever it would be as valuable as anyone else's to me.
We are all individuals from all stratas of society, wealthy or poor. It doesn't matter. We all have the same desperate need to find our roots.M

[Procat]

My avatar is really my ggg grandfather and not me at all. |jumphappy

[Lesley Robertson]

My avatar is really my ggg grandfather and not me at all. |jumphappy


He's wearing well!
|cheers|

Lesley

[ash33au]

Procat: Life has definitely been good to him :D My avatar is actually the wedding of my great grandparents in 1915.

Mutley: I have recently discovered wills and they are a goldmine of information, not to mention an instant attraction to others who want some slice of the action. I actually found that my ggg grandfather left his wife and daughter 2500 pounds in 1887. That's massive money in outback Australia in those days - not bad for a German immigrant.

Oates: I sympathise with you as I started my family history research as a teenager and it wasn't until the last couple of years that I have been taken much more seriously by some of the old hands at the records office and other haunts. Back in the days when I started, my dad advised me to tell those who didn't know otherwise that I was his younger brother - I'm not a great deal younger than his youngest sister so it worked ok. Anyway mate, keep punching away, because you seem to have a very good head on your shoulders and have a very strong determination to find the answers you are looking for. You also have time on your side, which is a distinct advantage.

Cheers
Ash :cool:

[Copper]

I agree with others here that age does not matter. Don't tell anybody your age.

Also making message rules so that "your" emails go into a folder is a good idea. You would have to try and think of words that would appear in the message though in order to make the rule. I have a rule that says any messages from Rootsweb go into a folder named Rootsweb but that was easy.

A Gmail address is free. They have an excellent spam filter. You can read your messages anywhere.

I have been know to ask for certificates as birthday presents.

[Jade26]

And, sorry if I seem thick, why can't you use your own name?
Genealogy is for any and every age.... (the younger the better as mamory is sharper) and where the subject is dear to the hearts of those involved what on earth does age matter?
Astoria? where are you? Back me up. Quick!M

As Marie C said, genealogy is for any and every age.
You don't have to pretend to be an older man for safety reasons on this forum as it it well monitored by eagle eyed moderators ready to swoop at the slightest hint of anything untoward. My kids tell me that my user name of Jade26 makes me sound like a 26 year old stripper or topless dancer, (oh for the youth and the body that goes with both |biggrin|), but that hasn't stopped people from taking me seriously. (In actual fact my user name was a combination of a nice plant I have growing, plus the last part of the name of my favourite salad dressing!).

Anyhow if possible open your own email account through either hotmail or google(gmail) and that will solve your privacy problem.

Trish

[raineshoe]

Stick with girl :D

I started my family tree researching in my teens ie about 18 years old and old enough to travel to London for a bit of digging etc.

However, I joined the local family history society (not where I live now and shall remain nameless) and had to put up with some "old" guy telling me on trying to enter their meeting "I doubt we will have anything of interest to you dear". |banghead| I was really taken aback and never went to another meeting, but still plugged away on my own. Family history and social history really interest me and have done all these years. People just assume because you are younger you are not interested and you can have a lot to offer.

I am now 47 and still researching family history when time allows and love every minute of it. I love the chase to find out where, when how etc.

So get your own e-mail, be up front and honest (with care as obviously you don't know whom you might be talking to on the web). Those that are sensible, well rounded individuals, that don't let polical correctness go to their heads will take notice, especially when they realise you have the info they want badly, and won't worry about talking to a teen. After, all what is anyone going to report them for, discussing dead people that are long gone |laugh1|and it will get easier, especially as they get to know you are not a time waster ;)

[raineshoe]

PS - anyway apart from the "peculiar people" |laugh1|that delve into dead people the real nasties don't frequent places like family history sites we are too boring for them |jumphappy

[MythicalMarian]

Oates - I have only just read through this thread. I was 26 when I started researching properly (I'm now 51), but I just want to say how delighted I am that teenagers such as yourself are joining in this wonderful and rewarding hobby of ours. I have two teenagers and can barely get them interested at all. When I'm gone I dread to think what will happen to all my research. Hopefully, by then I'll have a grandchild such as yourself who wants to take over from daft old gran.

And like everyone else here, I'm glad you are with us, as you are a valued member of the Forum.