Finally I have a Black Sheep!

[Hawk]

Unfortunately, my Black Sheep is in this generation, so I can't go into details. She's (I'll tell you its a she) divorced from my family and has just gone to jail. All I'll tell you is she didn't murder anyone. But here's how I'm going to handle this.

I'm printing the news stories about her from the internet, and I'm going to staple them together in order. On top I'll put an explanation of who she is, and how she's related. I'm going to admonish future generations who may take this up, to add our Black Sheep at least 3 generations away from her, and no sooner. That way, they'll, hopefully, be able to laugh at it all, which we can't do right now.

I have more sympathy for people in past generations who've had to go through these times. Its more trying than I thought it would be. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!

Cheers -
Hawk |wave|

[Jan1954]

Hello Hawk,

It certainly brings it home to you how our ancestors must have felt when someone close to them fell foul of the law.

We so easily "celebrate" finding a black sheep way back when... but it does one good to stop and think about the effects on those around them at the time.

Thank you for telling us about yours.

[v.wells]

Hello Hawk,

It certainly brings it home to you how our ancestors must have felt when someone close to them fell foul of the law.

We so easily "celebrate" finding a black sheep way back when... but it does one good to stop and think about the effects on those around them at the time.

Thank you for telling us about yours.

Hawk

Maybe one day you'll celebrate your black sheep when you have found another from the past. I'm saddened that you can't celebrate this one but thank you for sharing! Putting it all together for future generations is a good and thoughtful thing to do.:)

[Mutley]

It is very hard to come to terms with many of the things that we learn about our families, both in the past and the here and now.

As well as black sheep, we find those in the workhouse, very poor, illegitimate, sad deaths, suicides and dreadful lives as well as children and adults sent off to countries far away. Goodness knows what we uncover.

I had always assumed our family were straight, law abiding citizens until I learned to the contrary. It was quite a shock to find out we were not. Now my children giggle and say, what next? they have come to terms with a 'colourful background'.

However, time is a healer, you are preparing yours and your future generations will know they are not responsible for the error of the ways of others in the past.

[Hawk]

Thanks all of you for your kind words. I'll direct the others closer to this mess to this forum - it'll do them good.

I wish the woman no ill, and hope she serves her time with no mishaps, and that she'll behave so nothing happens to her. Her life is ruined, and, with support from the rest of us, her children won't suffer too much. They're very young, and have a huge support system withing the family, so I expect they'll be fine.

The saving grace is that she left our family name behind her when she divorced, so our Good Name is still our Good Name.

And I'm still looking for an ancient Black Sheep |biggrin|

Cheers
Hawk

[sara jane]

hi* i know how hard it can be to find a family member, has done wrong and maybe getting punshied for it it is hard, but we come out stronger people form it my mother who died 4 years ago wen t to prison for a crime she did, wont go into detail. its only now that im getting the help and support i need wish you allthe best.

[ash33au]

I have a current black sheep as well.

The sheep married a relative of mine and has been enjoying a permanent vacation courtesy of the government for a number of years due to some serious offences...

Anyone here in Australia who has watched the Underbelly series would be aware of this person's associates and dealings.

I've tossed up a few times how to record the person on my tree and whether or not to include the person's criminal activities (which are very infamous) in my family history book that I am writing.

Ultimately I think something needs to be recorded in one way or another, just how is the question.

[NickM]

I've got one - George Bush ! (Yes, THE George Bush), but he's only distantly related and only by marriage.

[Ladkyis]

I have a current black sheep as well.
I've tossed up a few times how to record the person on my tree and whether or not to include the person's criminal activities (which are very infamous) in my family history book that I am writing.
Ultimately I think something needs to be recorded in one way or another, just how is the question.

Perhaps a way to do it is to think what would be written by one of the "true Crimes" writers. Not to write in the same way but to make clear exactly what you don't want. Surely it is better for someone close to the event to write a clear, objective account than for a stranger to sensationalise.
I would also talk to members of the family and ask them which they would prefer - an accurate account or someone coming in to do it for the money.
And, says she talking as the thoughts are forming, if there is money in publication it could go to a fund for the victims of the crime.

Just my own thoughts

[Feen]

I've just found a black sheep too :).

Well, I haven't actually "found" Uncle Fred as he was part of family folklore when I grew up - but for what were somewhat incomplete reasons.

My paternal great-grandfather was the youngest of a huge Brummie family that I suppose would be described as middle class given that the father was an engineer, but they weren't well off and the 12 children (or at least the ones that lived to adulthood) followed many different paths in life. While my GGF was successful in business, local politics and something of a philanthropist, many of his siblings had different careers. GGF was not personally into gentrification but his widow and children were, and after he died they left the area and settled halfway across the country where they posed as gentry |laugh1|.

GGF's widow actually told his children that they had NO paternal relatives whatsoever. The silly cow ought really to have chucked out the family Bible |biggrin|. Someone, I think it may have been Dad, checked out the censuses or perhaps a local trade directory, and found Uncle Fred listed as a pub landlord. Uncle Fred's pub was a rough one where police were often breaking up fights. But I have wondered whether this might have been the story of an older generation than Dad's, invented to scare the kiddies off investigating that side of the family more thoroughly.

I do not know and I doubt given that Dad was pretty relaxed about family scandals, whether he ever found the whole story about Uncle Fred. I found it almost by accident but as it happens one of the rellies who wasn't supposed to exist :D was researching the same person.

I am researching relatives on Mum's side and to further that I bought a 3 day subscription to the Guardian/Observer archives online. It yielded several helpful results and then I put my paternal GGF's name into the search engine. I was rather miffed at the absence of results. But then I suddenly thought of Uncle Fred. Up he came at once as the villain of a tragic-comically bungled murder attempt on a banker in Brum. The defence was that he was insane as the result of a blow on the head, but he was sentenced to penal servitude for life.

Of course I couldn't be certain this was OUR Uncle Fred, though the name and the age were a perfect match. I told my sister about my find and she told me that a long lost cousin and genealogy enthusiast (poor GGM's insistence on no paternal rellies has been well and truly busted |jumphappy) who made contact a couple of months ago told her that Uncle Fred died in Dartmoor Prison. So I checked the Devon Census and there's poor inmate Uncle Fred in 1881!!

So I suppose I didn't actually discover him - distant cousin Jon did really. But it's interesting that I was looking independently in that direction.

As to sensitivities about black sheep - my first reaction was to think it was all howlingly funny about Uncle Fred. Then I started feeling sorry for him living and dying in penal servitude in Dartmoor. Then, there was also a feeling for my newly rich Victorian/Edwardian family who airbrushed Uncle Fred out to save their social skins. It seems so superficial now but for them he must have been a genuine threat to their precious social standing, their self image, their prospects...

Oh heck I've waffled on for hours, but this is the first prisoner I've found in my family. Poor Uncle Fred.

Feen

x

[Rubina]

Do you know, "But for the grace of God" is a saying that your post made me think of. None of us really know what we might do in circumstances that are presented to us.

There is no shame (although we may feel it) of having or having found a "Blacksheep" in the family (related by blood or not). But, for some reason we feel it. I have a close (ex) relation through marriage that went to prison in the 1980s for manufacturing illegal drugs (he was a policeman no less!!). I feel no shame - he made his choice.

We don't know (or need to know) the details of your current "blacksheep" but what you and your family need to remember (as we all do from our past or current blacksheep) is that none of us are responsible for what others do. We can only live our own lives!

|hug|

look after yourself, Roob