BRITISH & PROUD OF IT!

[tony vines]

Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a
Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a
Turkish Kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch
American shows on a Japanese TV. And the most British thing of all?
Suspicion of anything Foreign.

Oh and...... Only in Britain .... Can a pizza get to your house Faster
than an ambulance.

Only in Britain .... Do supermarkets make sick People walk all the way
to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions While healthy
people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain ... Do People order double cheeseburgers, large fries
and a DIET coke.

Only in Britain .... Do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens
to the Counters.

Only in Britain ... Do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on The
drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Britain .... Do we use answering machines to screen calls and
then have call Waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't
want to talk to in The first place.

Only in Britain .... Are there disabled parking places in Front of a
skating rink.

NOT TO MENTION... 3 Brits die each year testing of A 9v battery works
on their tongue.

142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not Removing all pins from new
shirts.

58 Brits are injured each year by using Sharp knives instead of
screwdrivers.

31 Brits have died since 1996 by Watering their Christmas tree while
the fairy lights were plugged in.

19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas
decorations were chocolate.

British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Cracker
pulling accidents.

101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of Plastic toys pulled
out of the soles of their feet.

18 Brits had serious Burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit
cigarette in their mouth.

A Massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after
opening Bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 Brits were injured last year in Accidents involving out of Control
Scalextric cars.

And finally......... In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst
throwing up into the toilet.

I am proud to be British

[CLindaSpering]

|cheers|Quite funny.I enjoyed reading all of it! |laugh1||laugh1|*CLinda*

[Ladkyis]

Does it say how many Brits were treated for injuries from laughing at the list?

Oh and I am proud to be British too cos what we do best is laugh at ourselves.

[Peter Goodey]

Has anyone tried Googling for, say, the phrase "were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts"?

[mary elms]

Yes Peter ... they're a rather schizophrenic set of statisics aren't they! :)

Mary.

[tony vines]

Not my own work of course so I can't vouch for the stats. However the ones above made me chuckle. I particularly liked the one about the mania our authorities have these days for disabled parking. I go in the evenings after work to a gym in the middle of a business park, when of course most of the workers have gone home. Outside the gym are 12 disabled spaces! With the greatest of respect it is quite unlikely that 12 disabled people would be using the gym at night. Indeed it may be politically incorrect of me to observe that I have never actually seen a physically disabled person using the gym on any of the nights I go. So naturally being a lazy and inconsiderate sort of a guy I parked my vehicle along with several others in these spaces,leaving 2 or 3 vacant ones. When I returned to my car later the security people had slapped notes on all the cars warning that they would be clamped if we were so unthoughtful again.

At our local supermarket there are so many disabled spaces, usually empty of course because they get nasty if you park there without a sticker on, that you have to walk through about an acre of such spaces to get to the shop. Why do our planners think that the world is choc full of physically disabled people when patently that isn't the case.

If Bo Peep wants to move this to Grumpy Old Men, I don't mind. I plead guilty!

[MarkJ]

There is a bit of misunderstanding by many people about what exactly constitutes a "disabled" person. Although I don't bother applying now, I used to have a disabled badge. I look physically fine - I am not in a wheelchair, nor do I have any obvious ailments. At the time I used my badge, I was 39 years old and got a lot of funny looks when I parked in a disabled space - despite the fact that I had a badge. Although I looked fine and was young, most elderly people would have been far more able than I was to walk to the shop door. In the end, I just gave up bothering with the badge - I would rather sit in the car and wait whilst my wife does the shopping if I feel rough than argue with someone about my "disability".

I can see your point Tony - it is unlikely that many disabled people would use a gym, although some do - especially for less strenuous exercise such as swimming for example. It *is* frustrating when all the spaces are full but the disabled ones are empty - but it is equally frustrating if a disabled person is unable to park if they wish to use the facilities.

For the record, I have heart failure, have had 3 major heart attacks and been the lucky recipient of transitional cell carcinoma which meant losing a kidney and some further bonus cancer eruptions in my bladder on two occasions in the last couple of years.

Mark

[Mutley]

You are right Mark, not all disabilities are evident. Many that are in wheelchairs could not care less where they parked, once out of the car and into the chair it is not a problem.

I know my daughter hated going shopping with three kids and a trolley, it was hard work. But when cousin David came with his wheelchair, we had a ball, all the kids and the shopping got piled on top and we giggled all the way.

There are many ways of being 'disabled' and an awful lot of them do not show to outsiders, you just never know.

But nevertheless, Tony I thought the joke was really funny. Loved the cheesburgers and diet coke - that's typical

[MarkJ]

Indeed Mutley - and I am not trying to put down the joke - it was funny :) And I can fully appreciate Tonys point - I too find these things a bit odd at times! Our local supermarket has 3 full rows of spaces for disabled parking and another row of parent and child spaces - most of the time they are pretty much empty.
It is annoying when all the spaces are full but there are parent and child/disabled spaces free - but the reverse also applies - it is annoying for parents or the disabled if they are unable to park.

Mark

[jeeb]

For the record, I have heart failure, have had 3 major heart attacks and been the lucky recipient of transitional cell carcinoma which meant losing a kidney and some further bonus cancer eruptions in my bladder on two occasions in the last couple of years.

Mark

Blimey Mark, you take care mate, we can't afford to 'lose' you and your valuable assistance on BG Forums. Hope all your health problems have seen the worst.

Cheers Jeremy

[MarkJ]

Thanks Jeremy. I am what my mother calls a "creaking gate" ;) I think the NHS call me much worse things :D

Mark

[BeeE586]

I have a Blue Badge for disabled parking and a seat stick to help me walk to the trolleys when the trolley helps me to walk, and have been disabled more or less since I was nineteen. I take Mark's point since I have been told more than once that there is nothing wrong with me because I am not in a wheelchair. I have also been told that such b*****s as me should stay at home, we are not fit to drive.

But I did enjoy the laughs - very true all of them.

Eileen

[Mutley]

A very good friend, paralysed from the chest down, due to an accident, recently flew back to the UK for a visit. He went to Marks and Spencer in Bluewater, Kent and asked to be measured to buy some jeans. (Even if you are sitting down they still need to fit properly).

A young assistant came bustling up with his tape measure round his neck and said "No problem sir, now if you could just stand up and we'll have you sorted in a jiffy"...... |doh|

[tony vines]

Mark

Thanks for your insight and I hope that you accept that I am not having a pop at disabled people. Actually my point is that the planners have gone wildly over the top in their insistence that every building should have many more disabled spaces than are ever used. Of course I support the idea of spaces for disabled people. Of course I accept that disabled people use gyms. My observation however is that 12 such spaces outside a gym is excessive as indeed is half an acre of them outside a supermarket.

If I were disabled and had the appropriate badge I would want to use such spaces but the gym spaces are never occupied, at any time, especially now the PC police are enforcing them. Likewise the supermarket spaces which are similarly enforced. There must be 80-100 spaces there marked for disabled people and at any time I go (yes I do do the shopping) just a handful are in use.

The principle is correct. It is the over-the-top appplication that does the idea discredit and makes fortunately able-bodied people like me bemused.

Anyway, enough already.

cheers

[MarkJ]

No problem Tony - I can fully understand the problem from both sides of the fence.
As you say, the over-zealous provision and enforcement of these regulations can cause annoyance for all.

Mark